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Confession

The more I struggle, the more I go deeper into Sin City. Is there any way out of this cellar, of this hellish demise in Fate? I cling to faith which I always compromise. I hope for love which I always antagonize. I dream of peace which I always undermine. I live for purpose which I always customize. I take for granted all the time that I have, every little precious moment that others could only dream about. Yes, I take theirs for granted every time I use mine nonchalantly. I feel brilliance in my existence, a brilliance I cannot share for I think of people as unpolished scraps of metal, yet they think of me as their brother. This has always been me, full of secrecy and deceit. I’ve fallen deeply, seething my anguish and abhorrence amidst others. I walk in a path of righteousness tainted with my soiled ego and painted with my lavish desires…

Bakas

Masdan mo ang kamay ko,

Damhin mo ang mga guhit ng palad ko,

Para bang itinadhanang makadaupan mo…

…Pupunuin mo ba hirang ang aking kawalan?

Bubuuhin mo ba aking yaring kahiwagaan,

Tutulungan mo ba akong maaninag ang kisap-matang kaligayahan?

Bagamat katumbas nito’y…

Kaginhawaan mo sa paghihirap ko,

At paraiso mong di malalasap sa piling ko…

Salamat na rin pagkat iyong minarapat…

Na mag-iwan ng mumunting alab…

Dito sa puso kong ayaw nang magningas.

Were You?

Were you an exemplary student back in school, but is a passive citizen in society? Have you ever loved someone without loving your family (and yourself)? Have you ever believed in chivalry and other righteous codes only too look away when you see people who are in dire need of your beliefs? Have you ever inspired others to dream big only to end up crushing their hopes because you do not have any? Have you ever embraced positivity only to end up living your life filled with negativity? Have you ever planned your life and end up steering your wheels to a dead end? To think highly of brilliance but perform half-heartedly. To know and be good, but blink at the abhorrent evils of humanity.

When these ironies have struck you, you would then know how and why people step out in society like mannequins pretending to be human in the pursuit of trivial matters. Their frustrations will rival that of boiling water. Their deep seethed anger would cause them to develop (IED) Intermittent Explosive Disorder. They would open their eyes during (REM) random eye movement and close them in their petty daydreams. They would sleep walk as a sign of their apathy (which they are too coward to notice in ‘real life’). And finally, old age sets on their existence; its fangs would be driven down to their jugulars only for their damaged neurons to realize their failed dreams in ‘life;’ for they had short-term memory in their adolescence, identity crises in early adulthood, and complete stagnation in late adulthood. They would scratch their nails against concrete, grit their teeth until they bleed, and clench their cowardly fists to exchange mockeries with their reflection.

To end, here is a parody from a bizarre movie: “If you end up failing, it’s your own shitty and lame fault…(and here is my own favorite line ala Stephen King) because you thrust your fists into the post, but still insists you see your ghost.”

Man Is Neither or Either

Man has always sought symbols in the likeness of Light and Darkness. He has affiliated Light with all things bright and wonderful. And, everything blind and cruel, he condemns in Darkness. Will man begin to see light after falling into the dark? Or, will man fall into the dark before gracing the light? When does one begin and the other end? Let us try to examine the greatest irony that is man in view of the darkness and light within him. Man, inarguably, according to the religious, has a soul living in his carnal body; a carcass that he also claims to be theoretically made of millions of elements, of spirits. You see, even the most adept in faith hold knowledge and reason priceless. Men of science also believe in Darkness -- the absence of Light. With reason, however, he also agrees that there are things beyond human reason that should be held in eternal glory and recognition. That there is a truth in deceit, so there is deception in unraveling truth. Man journeys to shed light with knowledge and to hide uncertainty with faith.

-- How can we even talk about Light and Darkness if we are not even sure that we are constant, that we truly exist? --

“What if there’s no light, no darkness as well? Are there always two sides in everything? Again, how do you prove that you exist...? Maybe we don't exist..." Man: I hate to be the inconsistency in everything that is constant. How can I prove my existence if the definition of man is based on ego, which is bias; on existence, which I cannot explain; on truth, which I dare not speak of, and on faith, which I obviously lack in? Don’t even begin with irony for that is LIFE itself; full of loopholes and inconsistencies yet packed with all majesty. Yes, nay speak of anything if anything amounts to nothing; blabber with all senility if sanity cannot even withstand the very nature of man and his so-called existence. SILENCE; ah, yes! There are no sides to that, only uncertainty. A man of few words should rather be silent; denying nothing nor arguing about a thing. Alas, wise men need to seek neither light nor darkness, but be forever in silence; his ironic struggle in the BEGINNING, his very destiny to the very END. Ergo; the Alpha (and man?) and  the Omega…             

A Pilipino Dream

It is my dream and journey, my destiny no less: to live the Filipino dream. Filipino is my identity; pliant faith empowers me. I bear the hopes of those who have died for, who are dying for, and who would die for the Philippines. Hence, I want to be there legacy.

I open eyes to a fragile society where each Filipino is for himself; a social negligence everyone is aware of even when a few desires positive change and share a common dream: a might Philippines every Filipino would be proud of.

I dream for progress and prosperity, yet I succumb to an apathetic and mundane living in which the family is loving to its members and for its preservation but deaf to the problems of fellow Filipinos.

I want to struggle no less than writhe in pain and suffering. I want to feel that I am alive. I do not want to live and profess an ironic and theatrical life or an immoral existence. I want to vanish my idiosyncrasies. I want to live more as a Filipino than a mere human groping for my being. I want to live the Filipino dream and share it with others so that my dream would not go down the drain and if other Filipinos would want to cherish it, then please fulfill this dream even if I fail and die for it in my lifetime. Pray and hope that at least every Filipino has a dream. I pray.